When we are talking with another person we are exchanging thoughts and ideas. What we say originates as a thought in our mind. Our mind, the incredible God-given instrument we possess, then instantly creates words from our thoughts so we can express them to others.
Whether your thoughts are simple or complex, you cannot transmit them to another person any clearer than your original thought. If your idea is not clear in your own mind, you cannot express it clearly with your mouth. It is much like taking a picture. If your camera lens is dirty or out of focus the image created will be blurry and the picture printed will also be blurry. Coming back to your thinking… if your thought is unclear and fuzzy it is impossible to share a clear message to your listener!
We run into trouble in this area in a couple of ways. One way is sometimes we speak before we think. It’s almost as if our mouth is it’s own authority and runs off saying things without first submitting to our mind. What is really happening is that our mouth is speaking our thoughts as they are developing in our mind. It happens so fast there is not time for our mind to process the thought, clarify or filter it. It just comes out. We end up saying things that offend or hurt. We end up saying things we don’t mean to say. We end up with scrambled sentences or choosing the wrong words.
Another way that we communicate fuzzy thoughts is when we haven’t spent enough time actually focused on the topic and thinking about it ourselves. We simply are not clear on our beliefs or thoughts about the subject. It is still fuzzy and confused in our own mind. When we attempt to share it with others, we talk in circles, or gibberish, or simply nonsense. The puzzle pieces of our thoughts are not arranged so we can see the picture; so how are we going to describe to another?
So how do we improve the process of being more clear in our speaking? It begins with taking the time to stop and think before we speak. When it is a general conversation in which you process the information your conversation partner is sharing and then respond, hesitate a moment and actually think about what they said to you before you respond. Our minds work so incredibly fast the hesitation won’t generally be very long. This will also silently tell the other person you value what they are sharing enough to think about it before your respond.
When it is a bigger thought or topic that you need some time to process and “chew-on”, then take the time to work through it in your mind so it becomes clear. Sure, you may still have questions and you may want to have conversations with others to get answers, but take the time and put in the effort to organize your thoughts, get the picture clear (with the pieces of the puzzle you have), and if you need more information be clear on what your questions are.
By taking these simple, (not necessarily easy – but simple), steps, you will find yourself more engaged in higher quality conversations. Other folks will understand better what you are sharing with them and will enjoy speaking with you.