Sometimes our personality or our behavior traits make communicating difficult. One such behavior is backstabbing or slandering.
Just the other day, I was having a conversation with a man about his work. As he was telling me about what he did for a living and about where he worked, he started complaining about his boss as well as many other people at his company. If I were to believe his version of the story, his whole company was all screwed up – except for him, of course.
This is a terrible trait to have. Unfortunately, he is not alone. This is a widespread epidemic. And a sad part about it is, many of the people who participate in this behavior don’t even realize they are doing it. It is simply an ordinary part of their everyday conversations.
It’s possible this man doesn’t realize he is behaving this way because he is not really paying attention to what he is saying. We have previously discussed being present during conversations and actually paying attention to what the other person is saying. To Pursue Great!, we also have to pay attention to what comes out of our own mouths! If he doesn’t think about and listen to what he is saying, he probably doesn’t know he is tearing other people down and is chronically complaining.
There are severe consequences to backstabbing. First of all, it sounds really awful and make you look bad. When this man was telling me his story, I really didn’t learn much about his job or his company, but I certainly learned a lot about him. And it wasn’t good. He is a very judgmental person. It seems when someone slams another behind their back it presents the speaker as disingenuous or two-faced. I very highly doubt this man said these things to his boss and co-workers.
Another consequence to slandering others is the people that do hear you know that you probably speak this way about them too. People’s behavior is generally predictable. It is highly unlikely that if you have this trait that only some people are the focus of your derogatory statements. The byproduct is those around you lose their trust in you and become resistant to engage in conversations or activities with you. After all, they don’t want to give you exposure to them that you may turn around and speak ill of.
Folks will begin to avoid you as it is uncomfortable to be in your presence and hear you speaking ill of others. Even when you have good, constructive things to contribute your hearers will be skeptical. Even if they appear to be enjoying and maybe even joining you in your complaining, there is a part of them that knows the table will be turned on them given the opportunity.
Now, we can hide from the truth and tell ourselves that these other people really are incompetent, or that we are simply lashing out in frustration because to the situation. But, it we do this we are only kidding ourselves and revealing other areas in our lives that we need to work on improving.
Some habits are so subtle and develop slowly over long periods of time. We are unaware these bad habits are growing and becoming stronger. Little by little, they reach into the dark corners and crevices of our mind and take control of our behavior without us even knowing it is happening. This is one of those type of habits.
Take a hard look at yourself and listen to what comes out of your mouth. You might be surprised at what you hear.