Whether you are talking with a co-worker, friend, neighbor, family member or someone new that you just met, there are a couple of principles to keep in mind which will increase your probability of a meaningful and interesting conversation.
The first principle is to appeal to their interests. In casual conversation this can be hobbies, projects, job/career, family, and social activities. Even with someone you just met, it is easy to begin a conversation with them about the general area where they live, what they do for a living, or their hobbies.
Be observant for clues as to what interests them. Observe the clothes they are wearing. Do their clothes tell you anything about their interests… sports, cycling, business, formal? If you are near their vehicle, what does it tell you about them? How about what they are carrying, or a tattoo, or a name badge? These things and many, many more can give you topics of interest on which to begin conversations.
Most jobs involve engagement with others. Some of those you may engage with are external to your company, in other words… customers. Others may be internal – fellow workers. And yet still a third category are those who are somewhat both – external as in vendors, yet internal because they are working along side you to run your business.
In business, this same principle applies. Find out what interests them and talk about that. What interest a customer is how you can assist in solving their need (an interest). They have a need, that’s why they are coming to your business. You have to talk to them, ask them questions and learn about their needs (what interests them). Then, and only then, you can have a quality conversation with them about how you can assist them.
When it’s a fellow employee or a vendor, the interest is most likely the customer and their need. The conversation will revolve around what the customer’s needs are, (interests), and how to solve their concern.
The second principle to keep in mind is your conversation partner’s emotions. With intentional observation to those you speak with, you will be able to learn to pick up on physical signs that will reveal their emotions on the subject at hand. We all have emotions. They are part of our personality, part of our internal make-up.
They are powerful and will creep up on us without a moments notice. Sometimes, they even take over our thought process. Try as we might to think rationally and logically, these emotions often get in the way. Sometimes to the point where we make emotional decisions.
So, observe those you are talking with. When their emotions are positive, reactions such as eyes becoming bigger and brighter, or their voice becoming faster and enthusiastic. Negative emotions can be noticed when eyes are downcast, voice becomes harsh, tension is noticeable in their muscles and they try to create distance between themselves and you.
Learning to be aware of these principles and even utilizing them together in your conversations will make you a better communicator, more likeable to talk to and you will find your conversations more interesting and more successful.