Lack of respect for our team members often starts innocently as good-fun teasing. We all joke and tease our friends, co-workers and family members, but we have to be careful that it doesn’t escalate into disrespecting others. It is easy enough to fall down this slippery slope with light teasing turning slightly more aggressive, then a little bit more, then a little bit more. After awhile the teasing has turned into disrespect.
The next place we end up after disrespect is bullying. This is a shocking word – bullying. We don’t want to be a bully. We don’t want to be known as a bully. We know it’s wrong to be a bully. Yet, it can happen without our even knowing it. It is so subtle, like a covert operation, it will sneak up on us and then “we are one.” We don’t realize what we’ve become.
The following is from the Skills You Need website, https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/workplace-bullying.html.
Although bullying used to be seen as a childhood issue, there is a growing recognition that it also happens to adults in the workplace. Fortunately, there is also an understanding that bullying should not be tolerated, and most organisations and employers have anti-bullying policies just like schools. Bullying, however, has a way of reducing the strongest and most self-sufficient [person] to an unhappy state of helplessness. It is, after all, designed to belittle and weaken the victim.
This page provides advice about handling bullying at work to prevent it from becoming a huge problem.
Tips for Handling Bullying at Work
1. Don’t let bullying get out of hand
You don’t have to tolerate being bullied. Your job does not depend on it, and neither does your reference. If you start to feel that you are being made miserable by the behaviour of someone else at work, it’s time to do something about it. Don’t wait until you are so stressed that you need to take time off. Instead, act early, while you still feel confident and competent, if just a little bit ‘got at’.
2. Tell the Person Concerned How Their Behaviour Makes You Feel
Sometimes, though not always, the person doing the bullying is unaware of the effect of their behaviour. They may be unhappy and taking it out on you. Or they may simply have got away with that behaviour for so long that they do not know how bad it can feel.
Make an appointment for a meeting, and say that you have something you would like to discuss. Calmly and assertively, say something like: “This is a hard thing to say, but your behaviour recently has really upset me. Some of the things you have done have felt like bullying.” It is always going to be helpful to give specific examples, so make sure that you have some prepared. Use the formula: When you did x, it made me feel y.
For more about this, see our page on https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/feedback.html Also be clear about what you would like to see changed.
3. Talk to a Trusted Colleague
It is a good idea to talk to someone else in the organisation about what is happening. This might be someone close by, who knows both you and the other person, or it might be a friend from elsewhere, or a mentor or coach. If your line manager is not involved in the situation, they may well be a good person to talk to since their job is to coach and advise you, and help you to manage difficult situations. In a unionised organisation, the union rep is a good idea as they have probably seen similar situations before and will also have a good understanding of the law and the organisation’s policies.
Talking to someone else:
Checks that your reaction is proportionate. After all, you too may have things going on in your life that make you react in particular ways to other people; Enables you to discuss options for taking things forward and resolving the situation; Makes sure that someone else knows how you feel, and can help to support you.
4. Talk to someone in authority
Human Resources professionals have dealt with workplace bullying and similar issues many times before, and will doubtless do so many times again. Seeking advice does not automatically mean escalating the situation, it simply means that you can seek advice from professionals about how to handle it, and get a better picture of what is happening.
Confronting Bullying at Work
You may see behaviour in a colleague which looks like bullying. It is NOT acceptable to let this kind of behaviour go unchallenged. You might, for example, say something like: “That doesn’t seem like a great way to behave. I’m not sure that’s really acceptable.”
Zero Tolerance Policies
Most organisations, formally or informally, have zero tolerance of bullying. Using these steps should therefore be enough to get it managed and stopped effectively in most workplaces. If, however, you find that your organisation is failing to manage bullying effectively, you may want to think about looking for another job, in a more tolerant and supportive environment. Nobody should have to put up with bullying. Make your own policy zero-tolerance.